Thursday, June 24, 2010

Google Maps, a Dog, a Funeral, and a Child

Okay, I love my friends.  They are a strange bunch (which probably explains why I like them and they stick with me).  And if it wasn't for our families, I wouldn't have anything to write about.

I was MIA yesterday because of friend's father's funeral.  It was a long way off and right in the middle of the day, so I took the day off and went with my father over there.  I knew it was going to be interesting because of the visitation the night before...

Foxy, Son and I drove the hour and a half over to the funeral home.  I had my Google Maps on my Droid working as we went, as I had only been in that little town one other time three months ago.  We get all the way to the the intersection of the street the funeral home is on and the Navagation voice states, "Turn left at Mulberry Street."  What the Friday?

I am positive you are suppose to turn right.  I look down to the right, and sure enough, there is the white house-looking funeral parlor with cars parked in front of it and people milling around on the porch, smoking.  So I turn right and the voice says, "Recalculating route."  I tell Son (who has been in charge of my Droid) to "turn that stupid thing off, it's wrong."  Hey, it got us all the way to the intersection and then screwed up?  Someone at Google better come out and look for themselves at that problem.

We park, and start to walk up to steps when we spot a girl holding a leash with a big white boxer attached.  I really didn't think a whole lot about it because this down is very small and has just one light.  All the men are dressed in jeans and wearing ball caps, and all the women have capris, and flip-flops on.  Not that there is anything wrong with any of those items.  But this is a small mid-American town.

As I am talking with my friend, hugging her and saying all the appropriate things, I notice that there is a picture on the casket of her father and that dog.  Well that explains that, I think.  Then her brother leaves and soon comes back with the dog.  In the building.  Hello?  Well, I guess there wasn't a sign that said NO Pets, so I guess this is fine.

Brother takes Dog up to the casket, and makes Dog stand on two legs, with front paws on casket.  He says, "Say Goodbye."  The canine, sniffs a few times, looks around and generally doesn't look interested.   Now, I totally understand the closure thing.  But by now, the corpse has been washed down, and injected with all those yucky chemicals and by no means smells anything like what anyone remembers.  So I guess it made Brother feel better, because hey, that dog and the father were constant companions.  But that was a first for me and my family.  I told my dad that if the dog was at the funeral, I was so taking a picture.

The next day, my father picks me up 15 minutes later than I had requested.  We start the journey and 25 minutes from the town, my dad looks at me and says "I think we are going to be late."  I roll my eyes and agree.  So I text Friend and tell them we are on the way, but running late.  Hey, at least they know we are coming.

We get there eight minutes after the funeral service starts.  My dad asks me if he should put his tie on.  I tell him, no because then he will be way over dressed.  Which is true.  The only person wearing a tie is minister.  The corpse is just in a blue button down shirt.

We slip in the back door and sit down.  There is maybe 30 to 40 people there.  In front of us a few rows is three men, two women and two little boys that are approximately 3 to 4 years old.  There is an aunt reading a letter from my friend about her father, and then a song.  Then the minister gets up to talk.

As he is talking, I was still teary from the letter.  I was sitting there imagining what I would say about my dad when this time comes.  When all of a sudden, a little boy goes "BBBUUURRRRPP!"  Loudly.  I glance at my dad, wipe a tear from under my eye and giggle.  Dad starts to giggle.  The men in front of us laugh.  I look at my dad, take a deep breath and "Gawf!", but I quickly try and cover the explosive giggles as a sob.

All a sudden, "BUUURRRP!"  Oh my goodness!  He burps again.  Someone get that kid out of here.  More giggles and hand covering the face.  How can that preacher keep talking.  It took me two to three minutes to get things undercontrol. 

See I told you it was going to be interesting.  True story.  I couldn't make this stuff up.


  1. Funerals are so interesting, which is a weird statement I know but it is odd to watch people grieve and forget about dress etiquette anymore. I don't think it has anything to do with small towns. I live in a large city and even though most people still tend to dress up and wear black people are now starting to just show up in whatever they are wearing for the day. Jeans, shorts, and forget black and if they try to wear black OMG it is sexy cocktail stuff and I think they would have been better just to wear JEANS! People just don't care about dressing anymore for anything.
    Sorry for the rant.
    Now, the dog at the casket, yikes!
    The kid burping, too funny at least he helped you stop crying (LOL)

  2. I can say that I've never had any experience like that at a funeral. That's one funeral you will never forget.

  3. Ya know...I get funerals are a time for mourning, but I hope people laugh at my funeral. I'm all about finding the humor in all situations, including really serious ones, so a burb at a funeral is just plain hilarious!

  4. yeah, can't say that I have ever seen that before.


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